The sight I was eagerly anticipating seeing was the Corcovado Mountain in central Rio. It is known for its 125 ft. statue of Jesus and is one of the most photographed places in the world.

The person who was accompanying me was from Brazil and suggested a panoramic view of the city and Corcovado Mountain. We began winding upward and I was struck by how quickly the comfortable middle class homes gave way to object poverty. I learned that unlike most cites the poor live uphill and cling to the sides of what many consider the most picturesque hills in South America. The potholes were so frequent I thought both dentists and tire shops are doing well.

When we reached the top of the hill a refreshing breeze hit my face. I was simply overwhelmed by the sweeping curve of Copacabana Beach and Ipanema Beach. Three miles to the right was the breathtaking view of Corcovado with the outstretched arms of Jesus.

I immediately, grabbed my camera and took a picture I will never forget. As I lined up my shot through the lens, I noticed a young woman walking with her children. They were clearly gripped by poverty with their threadbare clothes and shoeless feet. They were stunningly handsome with bronze skin and jet black hair. I smiled at them and proceeded to frame my shot of the city. Apparently, my expression indicated to this mother that my intention was to take their picture instead of the Corcovado.

The mother ran a hand over her hair and then proceeded with a universal gesture. She put a little moisture (spit) on the hem of her skirt and began scrubbing the dirt off her children’s faces. They tried to squirm away, but there is no escaping a motivated mother’s headlock. This family then gave me a smile like they had eaten a slice of cantaloupe sideways.

This mother gave her children a wonderful gift by teaching them, “your circumstances do not determine your value.” What a powerful message for all of us. It is so easy to dwell on what we don’t have or talents we lack. My mom used to tell me “you’re not a carbon copy, you are an original”.

Remember, there have been 66 billion people that have walked this earth and no one has ever been exactly like you. We have all heard the importance of reinventing or redefining ourselves. This process provides us with the opportunity to indentify what is unique about us. What distinctive experience, product, or idea do you have that others want? When you embrace what makes you unique, you see yourself from a different perspective and new possibilities emerge.

Extreme language portrays things as black and white with no tantalizing in-between. It can discourage possibil­ity thinking with either/or words like “never” and “always,” “must” and “mustn’t,” “mandatory” and “forbidden.” Here are a few examples.

Language is the power tool of possibilities. It’s not just the words we use, but how we frame ideas so they inspire us to see possibilities in new ways.

There’s the classic story of the time Steve Jobs was try­ing to talk John Sculley, a top executive at Pepsi-Cola, into becoming the CEO of Apple Computer. Jobs flew from Silicon Valley in California to New York and sat in Sculley’s Manhat­tan office with its breathtaking view. Sculley was not enthu­siastic. He had a list of demands that included a huge salary, huge bonus, and a huge severance package. Not only that, he wouldn’t leave New York. He’d be a consultant for Apple from his New York office.

How did Steve Jobs convince John Sculley to take the position and to move from New York City to California? He helped him think again and see the extraordinary possibilities with a simple word picture: “Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to change the world?”

“Dwell in possibility.“  – Emily Dickinson, Poet

Here is a brief explanation.

2.0 – You lack court experience and your strokes need developing.
2.5 – You are learning to judge where the ball is going.
3.0 – You are fairly consistent when hitting medium-paced shots
3.5 – You have achieved improved stroke dependability with directional control.
4.0 – You have dependable strokes, including directional control and depth
4.5 – You have developed your use of power and spin and can handle pace.
5.0 – You can regularly hit winners or force errors off of short balls.
5.5 – You have power and consistency as your major weapon
6.0 – You have advanced training for national tournaments
7.0 – You are a world class player

If you begin to achieve success in tournament play at your rating level you will likely hear these words, “Are you going to play up”! For example, you are rated as a 3.5 player and you win a few tournaments, other players will ask when you are going to compete at the next level such as 4.0 or 4.5. Some tournament players feel as if they should stay where they are and continue to take home the trophies. They believe that what brought them to where they are is going to keep them where they are. It has been my experience that when players stand still they frequently lose enthusiasm and their game begins to stagnate. Before long other players are passing them by.

In the world we live in today, I believe it is incumbent that we commit to “play up”! That we are always searching for ways to improve our performance and execution. One of the greatest risks to our future success is standing still. The individuals and organizations that produce sustained excellence are those that continuously improve. Peak performers understand that “playing up” may be challenging, cause fear and initially they may encounter setbacks. However, they know that that the next level brings new possibilities.

Do not be afraid of improving slowly, anxiousness comes from standing still.

Fortunately, my tennis coach, a very wise man, took me aside one day. “Roger,” he told me, “you can never reach higher if you keep your hands in your pockets.” He refocused my thoughts on possibilities instead of a perceived problem, giving me a whole new video to watch.

Both fear and possibility are strong motivators. When you are gripped by anxiety, you are anticipating a nega­tive event. A good way to feed and reinforce this fearful mind-set is to TiVo your past failures, hurts, and disap­pointments. TiVo is an amazing technology that lets you record, replay, and even skip commercials while watching TV.  Our mental TiVo works the same way, letting us re-experience a rejection, discouragement, or fear over and over again. When we decide to view new programming and uncover new possibilities, we may still hit the nega­tive rewind button out of force of habit. Then, we end up reliving past negativity, thus creating a vicious cycle that sabotages access to new possibilities.

To break the cycle, use your mental TiVo to replay your past successes rather than your negative experiences. As you do, your courage will grow and your hope for your future will increase. You might ask, “Don’t people who succeed have negative events in their past?” Of course, but they re­alize that they can live in anxiety or they can live in hope, based on what they choose to dwell on. They anticipate that their efforts will probably produce positive outcomes. They inspire and energize themselves with positive scenarios.

Have you ever stopped short of pursuing future possi­bilities because of a past experience? It’s interesting that what sometimes discourages us from attempting the extraordi­nary can be something unchangeable in the past. Everything bright and wonderful that the future holds is shot down be­cause of a long-ago disappointment. Let’s think again about our history and reevaluate the meaning we place on it.

Here is a mental image that you may find empower­ing. Our past experiences are like a closet of old home mov­ies-images filled with joys and jolts, hurts and heights. We all have a choice about which movies we choose to take out and rerun. If we dwell on the ones about failure, our energy wanes, negative expectations begin to dominate, and possi­bilities fade. If we replay the images about joy and courage, our confidence soars.

Of course, one of the intriguing things about looking at old images is how much our perspective has changed. The tree that seemed so huge is actually a tiny sapling. The same is true of disasters. Some events remain true tragedies, offering impor­tant life lessons and wisdom, but others now seem trivial, irrel­evant, and even funny. Your past is defined by what you choose to dwell on. Don’t let old negative images define your future!

Changing what you choose to focus on diminishes anxi­ety. Fear is hungry and needs food in the form of negative thoughts. Have you ever noticed that if you try to increase your energy and motivate yourself by using anxiety, you spend more time thinking about what can go wrong rather than how things can go right? Dwelling on potential pitfalls makes you act defensively. You expect the worst and over­react at any sign of failure. Concentrating on avoiding what you fear almost guarantees that it will happen. It’s like some­one telling you, “Be sure you don’t drop that.” Immediately, you’re all thumbs.

People are either encouraged or discouraged by what they chose to dwell on from their past. They look for evi­dence to support their current mind-set. As they look into the future, they may glance back at past failures and use it as a template for future failures. However, the people who real­ize possibilities are those who identify possibilities in their past and use that experience as the framework for future possibilities. In the movie Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Pee-wee counsels a waitress who has “always wanted to visit France, but…” and she tells him all the reasons why this is impos­sible.  “Everyone has a big ‘but,’” he warns, and persuades her to follow her dream.

Remember the opening sequence of the classic Dick Van Dyke Show? Every episode, behind the credits, he’d walk in his front door as the lively theme song played. Half the time he would fall kersplat over the ottoman, and half the time he’d spot it and nimbly dance around it. You never knew which version you were going to see.

Now imagine running your own disaster on your TiVo, taking a huge pratfall over an obstacle. Then, switch the tape and see yourself stepping around it at the last minute, giving a big, triumphant grin like Dick Van Dyke did. Choose to run that new tape, not the old one, and see yourself not fail­ing but succeeding.  Don’t let your past hold you back. TiVo your successes and watch your possibilities grow!

Is a big “but” holding you back? Exercise your imagination to reduce your but.

Identify something you’d like to learn and also something you feel you should learn. Make a contract with yourself to start this week. If the “should-know” category is labor-intensive or unpleasant, consider rewarding yourself by alternating the difficult and plea­surable learning sessions.

2.  Build Friendships

Name five people who are important to you. How do you maintain and deepen your friendship? Do you sometimes do things that could weaken the friendship?

• What new friends have you made in the last two years? What is the basis of your friendship?
• Describe five things you’ve done in the past twenty-four hours that demonstrate your respect for others.
• What can you do (not buy) in the next twenty-four hours to show someone you care?

 3.  Stretch Yourself

• What was the last challenge that you decided not to confront? Reevaluate your decision. Did you have sound reasons or were you just trying to avoid discomfort or possible failure?
• Are you good at spotting opportunities, saying things like “Boy, what a terrific idea,” or “Why can’t they .. . ?” List at least three of these ideas. Then describe what motivations, skills, talents, and expertise would be needed to carry out your great ideas. Can you imagine interesting others in the ideas?
• Write a paragraph or more about your last three “adventures.” (You’ll be surprised what you learn about yourself.)

Coffee Talk

A mature gentleman approached me after one of my talks. I’m al­ways hungry for feedback, and, since he had an enthusiastic smile, I was especially eager for his input. “Roger,” he said, “hearing you speak today completely changed my thinking about my own ability to be resilient. Now I’m sure that I’ll be able to overcome any adversity that comes along. Halfway through your presenta­tion, you said something that I desperately needed to hear.”

A warm feeling of self-importance swept over me. What a mas­ter motivator I am! Through my eloquence and insights, this man had made a major change in his self-image. “Yes, Roger,” he con­tinued, “before your talk, I drank four cups of coffee. Thirty min­utes later, I had to go. Then you said, ‘the foundation of resilience is believing success is possible.’ That inspired me. I began telling myself, ‘I can hold it! I can hold it!’ And I made it through your entire presentation!“

Playing to win goals are usually defined as success, victory or mastery. While it is vitally important to measure our ability to achieve, we also need to identify methods to stay motivated when our results fall short. There are occasions when we have planned effectively and performed with excellence, but did not succeed.

If our goals are based on outcome and outcome only, our motivation may be super high at first; as we achieve the initial goal, the benefits of further achievement at the same level are reduced and motivation will decrease.

Of course we all want positive outcomes, but how do you stay motivated when you don’t meet your expectations? This is where “Playing to Learn,” comes in to the picture.

Playing to learn goals, are based upon your performance regardless of the results. You evaluate these particular goals by asking questions such as, have I bettered my best?  Since you are comparing your current performance to past performance and measuring improvement, this type of goal is entirely within your control. Even when you don’t achieve an outcome goal, you can maintain motivation by achieving a playing to learn goal related to the same area.

You should strive to set goals over which you have as much control as possible. It can be quite discouraging to fail to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control! If you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals, and draw satisfaction from them.

If we set goals that we have control of, our mindset and motivation are not going to be in the hands of others. All of us have experienced failing to achieve an outcome goal for reasons beyond your control such as bad business environments, poor judging, bad weather, injury, or just plain bad luck. Goals based solely on outcomes can be vulnerable to failure because of circumstances beyond our control.

The salient point is this, no one wins every time, however, we can learn every time.

In fact, the “six degrees of separation” between individuals has—at least for the 721 million users of Facebook—narrowed to 4.74, researchers say. That’s the average number of acquaintances that separate any two random Facebook acquaintances, according to a study that used algorithms to analyze the links between users, the New York Times reports. The study, which involved scientists from Facebook and the University of Milan, found that within a country, that number shrank to just three degrees apart!

For example, Tony Thornton is the editor of eight maga­zines in Cumbria, England. He wanted to publish an inter­esting article about the early twentieth-century American composer Harry Woods (“Try a Little Tenderness,” “When the Moon Comes Over the Mountain”) – but he had no il­lustrations. He e-mailed one of his American contributors, Eleanor Knowles in San Francisco. She replied that, though she’d never heard of the composer, she did know a man who was very knowledgeable about American popular music. She phoned Bob Grimes who has nearly 80,000 pieces of late nineteenth/early twentieth century sheet music, an extensive library of reference books, and a reputation for total recall of everything in his collection.

And did he have a photo of Harry Woods?

“No,” replied Grimes thoughtfully. “…I’ve never seen a photograph of him. Would an engraved portrait do?”

Within an hour, that engraved portrait and several beau­tifully-designed sheet music covers for songs composed by Woods had been scanned and e-mailed directly to England. This “connection” allowed Tony Thornton to illustrate his article lavishly and go to press the next morning.

Don’t dismiss your ability to find the information and support you need to pursue your possibilities. An amazing number of people are willing, and even eager, to help others who share their interests and passions. There are five billion potential possibility partners out there, and many are just a few degrees of separation away.

“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” SAINT THOMAS AQUINAS 

Had he actually acquired some supernatural or extrasen­sory power? Or was it that his belief in the possibility tuned him into signals that others would overlook? A man striding down the street with his hand in his pocket might be reach­ing for his car keys. A woman passing between parked cars while carrying packages might be about to the put them in a trunk and drive off. However, if Dave had convinced himself that his lot in life was to circle the block endlessly, he would have ignored any clues that a space was opening up.

It’s the chicken-and-egg paradox. Which comes first? When you’re aware of possibilities, you throw your mind, body, and soul into pursuing them. You work in your “zest zone,” feeling invigorated instead of exhausted. Awareness helps you see a future filled with hope, confidence, and opti­mism – a future full of possibilities.

We all visualize the outcome of our efforts. The differ­ence is that some people see what they don’t want. Others have a vivid picture of what they want and see it happening. They believe it can happen. Visualization is a power tool for possibilities. When you project your mind forward and see a clear picture of your possibilities being realized, it’s an amaz­ing force that moves you toward them. Achieving possibili­ties begins with an “inside job” instead of external actions.

Using this technique of mental “rehearsal,” you can make current possibilities into future achievements. Actors, speak­ers, and athletes rehearse what they plan to do until it comes automatically and effortlessly. You can do the same. Here are some guidelines for effective possibility-visualization.

Relax. Take a deep breath and begin to release any tension you may be experiencing. Breathe deeply until your body and mind are calm. Something I find helpful is to identify my doubts and, as I am exhaling, to visualize the doubts being blown away. I have witnessed many successful athletes use this relaxation exercise to reprogram their minds and prepare for victory.

Recall. Take a moment to identify a previously successful experience that clearly shows your competence and self-confidence. Resist recalling past hurts or disappointments so you can fortify your resolve. As you do this, start to affirm yourself by making sure your thoughts are positive, personal, and embrace possibilities.

Rehearse. Have you ever said, “I knew that would happen”? Most likely you were visualizing-either negatively or positively. Focus on the positive. Imagine you actually doing and saying exactly what is needed for success. Before important events, I visualize right before I go to sleep. I see a positive outcome and then I “sleep on it.” It is amazing how much better you sleep when you look forward to the next day with excitement rather than dread.

Now go out and find those front-row parking spots that have your name on them.

Writing this book convinced me that resilience can be learned and is primarily a matter of attitude and belief.  How we choose to think about ourselves and the world around us forms the foundation on which our resilience is built.  A pessimistic, hyper critical view of ourselves and potential opportunities make it extremely difficult to navigate life’s inevitable bumps in the road.  On the other hand, optimistic, inspiring attitudes create the launching pad for your possibilities and supply the fortitude necessary to overcome adversity.

Someone’s positive thinking habits enable them to function with efficiency and effectiveness regardless of the circumstances.  I believe what separates successful individuals from ones who don’t reach their full potential is perseverance and optimism.

In order to learn how to become more resilient, we need to understand what makes some people more optimistic than others.  Here are three traits that resilient people have.

Positive Self Regard – Resilient people see themselves as valuable human beings who have the ability to accomplish their dreams.  When faced with adversity they believe in their ability to bounce back and realize every storm eventually passes.  As, Dr. Robert Shuller says, “Tough Times Don’t Last, But Tough People Do”.

Control the Controllable.  Resilient individuals differentiate from what can be changed and what must be accepted.  They discipline themselves not to spend valuable time and energy trying to change the unchangeable.  I have heard it said that resiliency is making something happen or making something out of what happens.  Therefore, resiliency is less about actual circumstances and more about how people choose to respond to their circumstances.

Hopeful about the future.  Resilient people find what it takes to succeed today by seeing a hopeful tomorrow.  They develop the capacity to find hope even in times of uncertainty.  A remarkable study from University of California, Berkeley has shown it is possible to predict the risk of illness by looking at patients’ answers to two simple questions: “Do you feel it is impossible for you to achieve the goals you’ve set yourself?” and “Do you get the feeling your future is hopeless and is it difficult to believe things will get better for you?”  How we answer these questions, not only influences our health, but is a strong predictor of our future success.

Wishing you continued possibilities!

Pride Industries is an organization built on identifying possibilities.  It began in 1966 when a group of parents gathered in the basement of St. Luke’s Church in Auburn, California, to brainstorm what they could do to create better lives and opportunities for their physically or mentally-challenged children.  If anyone had predicted their efforts would result in an organization that is now the world’s largest employer of people with disabilities, many would have said, “That’s impossible.”

Today, Pride Industries is a $100 million business spread across eleven states that employs more than 4,300 people, 2,700 of whom have some type of “handicap”.  Pride is led by a remarkable leader, Michael Ziegler, who became CEO in 1983 when the organization had 65 employees and $250,000 in annual sales.  Mike is the most passionate individual I have ever met.  He has an entrepreneurial vision and, most important, he wants to create new possibilities for people with disabilities.  He is a “hug-a-minute” kind of guy with an unforgettable and all-encompassing embrace.  When I spoke for his organization, I said, “You’ve heard of a bear hug.  Well, Mike gives you a grizzly bear hug, but one with a positive attitude.”

Pride Industries is now a thriving, self-sufficient company.  It has a clear mission statement:  Provide jobs for people with disabilities.  Mike says he is so proud that everyone gets a paycheck and that many employees have gone from receiving taxpayers’ assistance to being taxpayers.

One of the most memorable experiences of my life was when Mike took me on a tour of his company.  Most people would have regarded many of the individuals I saw as unemployable.  Yet, there they were, contributing to the success of this company.  When they saw Mike, they got in line for a hug and a word of encouragement.  What struck me was that Mike knew their names and something about each of them.

There are four core lines of business at Pride Industries:  facility support services, government services, mail and fulfillment services, and manufacturing and logistics services.  It has contracts with companies like Intel, Microsoft, and General Motors.  It is an organization built on finding possibilities in others, no matter what their circumstances.  Michael Ziegler refuses to let this be a token button-sorting kind of job.  He wants all employees to earn their paychecks, increasing their self-respect in the process.  The supervisors skillfully indentify what abilities each employee has and uses them effectively.

One thing I saw inspires me to this day.  There were two men with cerebral palsy.  Each had the use of only one arm.   They had put their wheel chairs side by side and, with one using his left hand and the other using his right hand, the two were assembling gift boxes of Jelly Belly candy!

Mike told me that many people might look at the circumstances of some of his employees and ask, “How could they be gifted?”  “We ask a different question,” he said.  “How are they gifted?  When we find the answer and place them in an appropriate job, their lives and possibilities expand enormously.”

Michael Ziegler offers us an important principle for multiplying possibilities and effective living.  We change our possibilities when we change the questions we ask.  And when we ask the right questions, we can create possibilities for others.